19. Being rubbish at something

is not fun.

I’m currently off running with a pretty nasty injury so have decided to delve deep into the swimming and gym lifestyle. I went for the first time today and oh boy it was hard.

The last time I swam lengths had probably been in highschool. It was awful.

The same could be said about the gym, except that I’ve never done it before.

I felt so conscious that people were looking at me, how my form was off, and that I just wasn’t ‘doing it well’.

Then it occurred to me- I am meant to feel this way.

This uncomfortable feeling isn’t only healthy but is a necessity for me to grow.

If there was no barrier like this when starting activities we’d never have professionals, the talent would seem too easy to achieve and we’d not have journeys or things for us to work on.

Recognising the moments of pain and me being bad I had things to focus on.

I dialed in on the feeling of being rubbish and realised this could be utilised to indicate how I could improve.

For swimming, this was me working on timing my breathing and how long I kept my head underwater. In the gym, it was me needing to slow down and not rush my reps.

Without me being so good, I wouldn’t have noticed these things.

Yet, I recognise I came into this with no expectations nor wanting to pretend to be amazing.

I think you have to leave room for that failure and be in a headspace okay with being rubbish.

I realised with running I’d gotten comfortable being pretty decent.

This equated to me not changing up my routine much, nor listening to indicators as much- hence maybe why I got injured.

Going to Gym today taught me this new perspective.

Just gotta stay consistent, who knows I might even become average!