Know your Why in a Nonstop World
With endless job opportunities, limitless technology, and almost too many choices- how do you ever decide what is your ‘why’ in life.
Recognising this is a bit of a longer article I have also included an ‘espresso version’ at the bottom of the page, which will give you all the main points. Or if you have a long attention span go for the whole thing. Happy reading.
As someone born in Generation Z, I have been brought up with constant reminders of how lucky I am, how many opportunities there are available to me, and ultimately how much better life is. While I don’t completely disagree with that statement I don’t think it’s a surprise that unemployment is up, suicide and depression are almost recognised as normal for young adults, and the common ‘mid-life crisis’ is replaced by a much more daunting ‘quarter-life crisis’.
Personally, I believe we are all called to a purpose both individually and as a community. Sometimes we try and remove human autonomy from the equation because that can often be easier when in actual fact we can have full control of what our future looks like. Although it is a hard task; proper introspection and forward-thinking into what you want your life to consist of will make all the difference as well as mitigate a sort of life crisis moment.
“All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone”- Blaise Pascal
I’ve broken down what it is to take on your ‘why’ into 3 sections:
Working out your identity
Understanding your passions and callings
Practically making your ‘why’ happen
Working out your identity
‘Identity before Destiny’- Ken Costa
Recently I was reading ‘Know your Why’ by Ken Costa and I had this massive perspective shift on how I view my identity- ideas how I approach work, my passions and callings, and also where my faith sits within that whole equation of all. Whatever you personally hold regards to religious beliefs it poses the interesting question of should we go guns blazing into the dreams we had when we were 12 and fail to slow down and take a step back.
Gradolescents - graduates who have not yet fully emerged to face the sharp winds of the working world. With an increase of choices, they can’t cope, and instead of feeling liberated they feel paralysed.
As my new favourite word suggests; people going through the education system have their hands held, are told what to do, and are with a bunch of other young impressionable people. Identity is sadly pushed to the side whilst degree pressure and work choices take priority. Resultingly we have brought about a generation of people who will have this crisis working out who they are.
“Comparison is the thief of joy”- Theodore Roosevelt
A big reason for this comes from the increased use of social media, phones, and technology. Data suggests that we average 2 hours and 25 minutes a day on social media alone. Comparison, fear of missing out, and an abundance of dopamine hits like a ton of bricks each and every day if we are not careful.
Practical steps I’ve found helpful to counteract this feeling of comparison:
Reduce screen time; it gives time for us to think, reduces anxiety, and allows creative freedom to do stuff we really care about.
Exercise; whether it’s going for a run, lifting weights, or even walking up and down your stairs a few times you’ll have a massive positive impact on physical wellbeing as well as mental health.
Speak to a trusted friend; I regularly find myself in a bad mood state and in these emotional states I can’t trust myself to be kind to myself- reach out to others to speak truth into your situation and remove false comparisons you may have.
Strengthen the core and the chores will become bearable. Recognise and gain clarity of the callings, this carries us through the chores. At the end of the day perseverance is a part of life.
A big part of identity is working out what you yearn for; where you sit in the world, what you want to achieve. Simple exercises like writing a bit about yourself whether it be things you like/ are good at (or if you don’t know things you don’t like and experiment).
This takes a while don’t worry. For many years I thought playing basketball was a big part of my identity; practicing multiple days a week, traveling around, and being very focused on the sport. Then upon reflection, I didn’t actually want it as much as the others and it wasn’t a true representation of me- however, doing that allowed me to develop my interest in sport and fitness and ultimately find running which I know now contributes a lot to my identity.
Knowing what you don’t want ultimately refines your decision-making and gives you times of introspection eventually leading you in the direction of things, people, and an identity that you do want. Then with a solid identity, you then have the building blocks to go with confidence into jobs, passions, and callings without the sway of emotions and other people’s judgment.
2. Understanding your passions and callings
Looking in your life you will find things you are naturally more inclined to do, enjoy, and want to take part in. For some, this is easy to recognise in their lives however for the vast majority this takes some refining and a trialing period.
For many reasons, our own talents are often a mystery to us and it takes a simple word from a friend to unlock a treasure chest of understanding. The key is to be aware and listening obediently all the while actively looking for prompts in our life, not being lazy, and constantly experimenting with our passions looking for things we can work in.
Saying this; we will go through periods of our life where we will be sitting in the waiting room, where we are the supporting character, where our progression of passion and callings isn’t of main priority. What is of utmost importance within these moments of our life is we don’t just sit idle. We are called within these more stagnant moments to refine and often get over the dip in many facets of our lives.
Some tips on choosing your passions and following your calling that I got from Ken Costa:
Consider
Weigh up the range of options available, form a proper impression detached from the honeymoon of emotions and excitement you may have in the early stages of an idea. Write it down and mull over it- does it align with your identity, your morals/ beliefs, and who you ultimately want to be long-term.
2. Consult
The key to making good decisions is taking good advice- we are not all-knowing, nor do we have insight and monopoly over all the various experiences in life. Others have been down roads we haven’t. However, saying this when consulting others we have to be careful and guard our hearts, working out who we listen to. Opinions are many but wisdom is select.
I can never tell you who/ who not to consult with; however, I personally have found it unhelpful when getting advice from people who:
agree with me for everything- I have flaws and places I need help, you can’t get advice from someone holding onto your every word and scared to upset you.
those with an agenda- these people don’t actually advise the right thing or provide empathy they often want to come across as right and it’s not helpful.
competitors- if you recognise a rivalry in your relationship with the other person you will not be open to hear their advice nor them give unbiased wisdom.
those I am close with but don’t align values with- this is the ultimate discerning factor for hearing advice. Our value/ moral system guides how we live and therefore when someone consults you with a dramatically different value system they could believe they are offering the best advice in the world but not only is it not applicable to you but it can be damaging if you take it on.
3. Clarify
If we’ve been told a prophecy, been given a calling, or just received advice it's always good to engage with reason regarding the subject. Sift through all the information- write it down, a pros and cons list is always helpful.
Simplification and removal of distractions are necessary too. Emotions, other people’s opinions, and the overall stress of the situation is a head messer and can just have us going in circles. To simplify the whole experience force yourself to limit the issue to a few sentences. Write this down. Break it down on your own (and with someone else if necessary) and pray, think about and tackle each component practically. As it's only a few sentences long you should be able to deal with it and in combination with your lists of positives and negatives, you should have a clear guide. Whether it be a job move, relationship, or big life decision- you will get through it!
4. Courage
“Modest doubt is called the beacon of the wise”- Shakespeare
It takes a while to clarify and come to a firm conclusion of decisions, especially big one such as one’s life calling. We can sometimes grow impatient and go headstrong into an idea because it simply brings about change. Courage can often be in restraint and doubt can be a traveling companion to wisdom. Our role is not to live without any anxiety, stress, or doubt but to live through it.
5. Contented
“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward”- Steve Jobs
I think when we think about the idea of being content we view ourselves on a beach somewhere, relaxing and bathing in all our successes. But that’s just not the case. In reality, happiness is a choice and social media often perpetuates this constant undercurrent of melancholy. The hardship today paves the road for tomorrow.
I constantly struggle with not liking being my age- wishing I was years ahead. However, a challenge to be content with the day-to-day is constantly there for me as well as to use my time well. Taking that into consideration, I start my day trying to make my future self proud so when I do look back I can see the dots did connect to create some sort of masterpiece.
Ultimately working out your passions and callings is the age-old question of the world. You will often find gurus and influencers giving you ridiculous hacks but you are the only one who can work it out for yourself and for goodness sake don’t go into anything for the money. You will burn out and hate yourself before you start seeing the dough roll in. Experiment with what you love and lean-to aside from any external pressure financially, socially, or academically.
If you want some inspiration though some good reads are;
3. Practically making your ‘why’ happen
I believe this is the thing that most people struggle with- being unable to execute practically what they want in life. Fear of failure is a paralysing thing and is the ultimate barrier to us stepping up and reaching our potential. Money, time, security- societally conditioned ideas that prevent you from reaching your goals are often the key issues faced here. So what do you do?
First of all, make sure your identity and passions are worked out. As stated earlier, identity comes before destiny. There inevitably will come a time where you will face hardship or a bump in the road and if you aren’t secure in that ‘identity’ you will never make it because you’ll just be second-guessing yourself and taking one step forward two steps back.
Some advice for those going after a traditional route
If you are more traditional in your desires, such as that of a career path such as a Doctor, Teacher, or something like the way forward is relatively simple. You need to just put your head down and go after it. If that truly is your ‘why’ chase it, what are you waiting for? Count yourself lucky that all that is stopping you and all your potential is how much effort you want to put in. Ask yourself what is stopping you from being the best in your field? No one is born a superstar.
“Hard work beats talent when talent fails to work hard”- Kevin Durant
On the flip side of that though, work is not the be-all and end-all for your identity so also take all these self-help books and gurus information and even blogs like this with a pinch of salt. Again though I’ll reinforce this idea to explore who you want to be and what you want to do in your life- this then enables a filter for external information. You can work out better from people, opportunities, and events that align more with you and ultimately then have more confidence to say no- leading you down the route to a more focussed self.
“I like to employ the power of no. We all want to say yes, because with yes comes so much opportunity, but with the power of no comes focus and engagement”- Jared Leto
Some advice to those going after a creative/ new route
For the more creative amongst you, there are a few things to understand from the get-go. You must recognise that in the journey into new boundaries, often the right thing can be deemed wrong by contemporaries. You have to learn to back your own horse and go after what you think is right, and if you get it wrong (which you will inevitability do), you need to learn from those situations and venture on.
With these new fields and more creative professions, there are fewer apparent rewards- it’s not like a 9–5 where you clock in and clock in. You don’t get the promotions, the money, or often the external appreciation until very late (if at all). The key here is to fall in love with the process. Recognise you are pioneering change, doing something different, and (hopefully) doing something you love.
Much like the traditional route, hard work is inevitable and you will have to get over the dip most creatives have which is a honeymoon stage of their idea. Mental barriers are what often stop most creatives. But consulting friends, family, and believing in yourself you can make it, and more importantly fulfill your calling!
Despite all that I’ve said that doesn’t mean the journey is going to be easy. Being different often scares people, and leaning into a ‘why’ is different than the regular aimless floating through life that lots of people have.
Hardship, bankruptcy, and persecution is the fate for those who remain true to themselves. Take for example Van Gogh, Henry David Thoreau, Oscar Wilde- all rejected in their lifetimes yet inspiration and educators for the next generation. We can never know what part we have to play in life but we have a responsibility to go after our callings in life.
“Maybe God made me a painter for people who aren’t born yet”- Vincent Van Gogh (At Eternity’s Gate)
The Espresso Version
Working out your identity
Identity before destiny
Comparison kills, tips to stop it:
Reduce screen time, exercise, talk to a trusted friend
Lean into the things you yearn for
Don’t worry you will make mistakes
2. Understanding your passions and callings
Often our talents are a mystery to us and it has to be unlocked by others
There will periods in our life where we are the supporting character and not the main focus. We can still use these moments though
The 5 C’s to remember when choosing passions and callings:
Consider, Consult, Clarify, Courage, Contented
Happiness is a choice
3. Practically making your ‘why’ happen
Bumps in the road are inevitable but lean into your identity to overcome them
No one is born a superstar, sometimes you just have to work hard
Practice saying no, refine who you are and what you want to do in life
New endeavors come with adversity
Fall in love with the process
We don’t know the bigger role we have in life until afterward