78. Work, Family, Scene
you can only choose two.
Austin Kleon coined this rule to provide clarity in life and make time.
The different aspects are:
Work: this is your creative output.
Family: this is your spouse, kids, or close relationships.
Scene: this is the fun stuff. Parties, dinners, hanging out with friends.
The reality is you cannot have it all.
You party regularly and are deep into a relationship results in you not having a lot of time for real work. You grind all day at work, escape with friends, but your family gets forgotten. You give your focus to your loved ones, you work hard, but you can’t always say yes to the fun stuff.
The lie you feed yourselves is that you believe you can balance it all.
You may believe you are a time managing hero.
Sorry Superman but the artist’s life is about tradeoffs.
This doesn’t mean all is doom and gloom.
It does, however, mean you will miss out on things.
Whatever you choose as your two- you recognise the third to not be your priority.
In saying no to things that don’t matter you can be assured because although you are ‘missing things’, they are probably not things you will lose sleepover.
It’s hard saying no but without doing so you don’t get any and that would give you restless nights.
“Self-discipline is when your highest desires rule your lesser desires, not through resistance, but through loving action grounded in understanding and compassion.” - David Deida
This by no means has to be a concrete decision either. There are seasons where you change what two aspects of life you prioritise.
Truly understanding which of the two you are going after allows filtering out of unhelpful comparisons from people who are going after things you aren’t; you have the clarity in knowing what you want which provides speed and efficiency to create some great things.
As the poem by Kenneth Koch goes:
“There isn’t time enough, my friends —
Though dawn begins, yet midnight ends-
To find the time to have love, work and friends.
Pick two.”
When you know why you are saying no you can say yes to things with confidence knowing they matter.
Work, Family, Scene.
You can only choose two, otherwise, you’ll have none.